Why I’m an A**hole, and why you probably are too!

Ryan M. Hill
2 min readJan 5, 2021

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Don’t get my wrong I’m not running around pushing grannies over, nor am I tipping over rubbish bins for fun. (And if you are doing this stuff then YOU REALLY ARE AN A*HOLE!!)

My, a**hole behaviour is mostly directed towards myself and the subtle way I treat others. Growing up exposed to the capitalist doctrine of individualist pedagogy has shaped me into the asshole that I am today. Trying to unravel the ideas and values I have about myself to understand my feelings actions has exposed a lot of uncomfortable truths I did not want to know. the main concept is behind is that we are taught to be entitled and somewhere deep down in my subconscious I still believe ‘im the most important boy in the whole world’ and that I deserve special treatment.

mark mason states that entitlement plays out in two ways:

  1. I am awesome and the rest of you suck, so I deserve special treatment.
  2. I suck and rest of you are awesome so I deserve special treatment.

opposite mindsets on the outside, but at both, the core its the same selfish ideal. often people will flip back and forth between the two.

I feel both these mindsets often regularly. which was magnified by my speech impediment, a stammer. A Stammer gave me a victim mindset in some situations and in other situations I thought i was super cool and often I feel these at the same time. i remember walking into my student union and straight away i think

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Ryan M. Hill
Ryan M. Hill

Written by Ryan M. Hill

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A creative living in london, writing about my personal experiences, mental health, art and culture and pretty much everything in between. and